Thirty Minutes
by Mayonaka Kitsune
Summary: Final chapter up! SLASH Don't read if offended. Inspired by the song by t.A.T.u. What are two Eds to do when their feelings for one another are condemned by their very own families?
1. To Alter Our Lives

This is my first songfic as well as first attempt at EEnE romance (since that doesn't really fit the series)... so please be gentle. Despite the non-EEnE genre, I'm trying to keep the characters as close as possible... and crossing my fingers it comes out okay. (And, yes, it is a boy/boy romance story - _you have been warned!_) All feedback appreciated (with the exception of mindless flames). And this is a multi-chapter songfic (it'll be either 2 or 3 chapters total), so, yes, it does continue after this.

Giving credit where it's due - this fic is inspired by the song "30 Minutes" by T.A.T.U.

(Oh, and for those wondering where Zero Visibility went... the Cosmos seems to be against me finishing/posting the thing... if it's not a virus, it's just me being stupid and breaking the disk it's on. Along with ZV now going in the totally _opposite_ direction of which I was first planning and a bout of "I'm tired of this for now," I've decided to just put it on hold until I can figure out how to finish it without it totally getting all, well... not good. Sorry, all. guilty look But there will be more stories from me in the meantime. )

Hope you enjoy!

Kit

(UPDATE: 07/03/05 - Reading through other songfics on this site, I was just made aware of the "no lyrics" rule. Yes, I've been away for a while, I guess. :P Thus, to prevent any repercussions to this story or my account - namely, the deletion of either - I have removed the lyrics. I will post a version with lyrics on my website at a later date.)

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Eddy stared silently at the broken picture frame on the ground before him. In it was a photo of him, with his brother and parents. When they were happy. 

They could never be happy now. They knew.

Carefully picking the shattered frame off of his bedroom floor and blinking away a stray tear or two, Eddy pushed aside the visions of how his father had smashed him over the head with it and stormed out. He tried to forget the harsh words... the accusations of breaking up the family... the stinging of his father's hand as it whipped across his cheek. All because he'd fallen in love with someone he wasn't supposed to.

He'd failed miserably in making his parents proud. His grades were poor, his attitude was always a problem... and now this. His parents had discovered what he'd been hiding for the longest time... from them, from him, from himself.

Placing the frame under his bed, Eddy leaned back on his bed and gazed at his mirror ball in agonizing contemplation. He couldn't stay here... not now that his family knew the truth. Between his father's violent retributions and his mother's patronizing attitude... he couldn't make it here. The tension and pain was already becoming too much, and it had only been ten minutes since they found out, his father storming out of the house afterwards with his mother and leaving him alone. Who knew where they went or when they'd be back... all he knew was, if he was going to leave, he had to before they returned.

* * *

Edd watched silently from his front window as Eddy's parents screeched out of their driveway and out of the cul-de-sac. He couldn't help but feel guilty... if he hadn't have kissed Eddy in the first place, this wouldn't have happened. The look of horror on Eddy's face as his parents walked in on them was still etched clearly in his mind. 

"It's my fault..." he whispered hoarsly to no one in particular as his gaze remained tranfixed on Eddy's home. He shouldn't have left him there alone... who knew how badly his parents had taken it. But when he'd recieved that ice cold glare from Eddy's mother and that infuriated one from Eddy's father, Edd could do nothing but oblige when he was asked to leave. He'd caused enough trouble... surely staying would have only made things worse. Right?

Edd sighed as he rubbed his eyes, reddened from crying. He knew Eddy well enough to know what he'd be thinking right now. He was most certainly contemplating a way to get away from his homophobic parents... probably running away. He couldn't really blame him... as it was, his own parents would no doubt be informed by Eddy's parents of the little 'incident.' He shuddered at the thought of their reactions - he'd always been taught that it was wrong to love another boy. That he should be in love with Sarah or Nazz. Not Eddy.

Surely his parents would punish him... perhaps send him away to another private school. Away from Eddy.

He couldn't let that happen.

But, as much as he wanted to just run away with Eddy and live happily ever after, he knew the odds of that happening successfuly were slim - infinitesimal, even. Two boys their age could never make it on their own alone... not in this world. And not with the odds so heavily stacked against them. Along with financial and housing troubles, there would be prejudice... perhaps even hate crimes if they were to go to the wrong parts of the city. Where would they live? _How_ would they live? Where would they get food? Or clothes? And, despite recent events, their parents would _surely_ worry about them...

While he and Eddy would have each other for support... Edd just wasn't sure that would be enough.

With another disconsolate sigh, Edd slowly made his way to his room and shut the door. He then picked up the phone and dialed the number to Eddy's room.

* * *

"I'm leavin', Double-D." 

The sound of Eddy's cracked voice nearly brought Edd to tears himself. He'd expected such a greeting, but still...

"Eddy... I know I can't change your mind, but I... I-I can't go with you."

There was a pause before a more bitter sounding Eddy responded.

"Oh, so now that kiss meant jack to you."

"That's not true, Eddy! I lo-" Edd stopped himself and continued in a quieter, gentler tone. "I love you, Eddy. I have for a long time now. But I can't just throw my life away for something that's bound to fail."

Another long pause.

"Fine. If you really have that little faith in us..."

"Eddy, please. It's not that... I just - " Edd stopped and let out a sigh, thinking of how to put it. "I'm frightened, Eddy. The odds are stacked too high against us. Two boys just out of middle school have no chance of making it on their own in the world! Where do you propose we stay? How do you propose we afford food and clothing? What about education? Or our friends?"

"We can deal with that as it comes!"

"I can't accept that, Eddy! We'll never make it if we don't have a plan for survival!"

"Man, nothing's good enough for you, is it, Double-D?"

Silence. Edd wasn't certain if Eddy expected a response, but the biting tone in his voice had startled him into a speechless state, anyway. It was a few moments before Eddy spoke again - this time in a calmer, more resolute tone.

"Listen up. I can't afford to waste time arguin' with you. If my parents catch me talkin' to you after what just happened, I'll never hear the end of it." Edd cringed, feeling a sharp pang of guilt, as Eddy continued. "So here's the deal, Sockhead. I'm leavin' here now, but I'll be at our junkyard hideout. Half an hour."

Edd blinked, uncertain as to what Eddy's last words meant. "... Half an hour?"

"Yeah. Whether you show up or not is up to you. Either way, I'm outta here."

Edd's heart skipped a couple of beats. Would Eddy really leave him...? To deal with this alone...? And after he'd confessed so much?

"Oh, and Double-D?"

"Y-yes, Eddy...?" he managed to stammer, his raspy voice barely above a whisper.

"... If you ain't comin' along with me, don't bother to show. If you really love me, the least you can do is let me escape from this place without havin' to deal with one of your lectures, all right?"

Edd blinked. _Escape...?_

"Thirty minutes. Your choice. Make it fast."

Edd was startled by a 'click' and the dial tone following it.

* * *

Eddy sighed as he hung up the phone. Maybe he was being harsh on Double-D... but, really... if the guy really had such deep feelings for him, he shouldn't care about the odds, right? 

Grabbing a duffle bag from his closet, Eddy quickly stuffed in some clothes and other necessities. Reaching under his bed for a can of hair gel, he blinked as his hand hit something smooth and flat. Bringing it out to examine what he'd caught hold of, he smirked as his eyes glanced over one of his old magazines.

"Don't really need this anymore," he muttered with a bit of amusement in his eyes. Truthfully, his brother's magazines had never really done anything for him, anyway... but it had been a good way to keep everyone else from from knowing who held his true affections. Why else would he keep the collection a not-so-secret secret? People were such saps.

Eddy shrugged and hid the magazine back under his bed before finally locating his hair gel and stuffing it into his bag. After grabbing some food from the kitchen and stuffing every last pocket in the duffle bag full - hey, who knew how long he'd be without ways of getting food? - he returned to his room and, with a final look around to make sure he'd missed nothing, he headed out through his backyard and headed for the junkyard.

* * *

Edd slowly placed his phone back on it's base, the normally soft 'click' seeming to resonate louder than usual. Walking up to his window, he gazed outside at the setting sun. It was a beautiful sunset... one he'd much rather be watching with Eddy. 

"I could be," he reminded himself. He could simply pack his belongings and meet him in the junkyard. It sounded so simple... so easy. _But, by doing so, I'll be leaving behind my family and friends... perhaps for good. _Edd jumped, his thoughts bringing to mind something he'd never considered before now.

What about Ed?

Edd wrung his hands with anxiety as he paced his room. Even if he did decide to give up his life here... how would dear Ed cope once he's discovered that his two best friends - his _only_ friends - have just suddenly left him? For seemingly no reason? And without so much as a goodbye?

"I... I can't do it..." Wrapping his arms tightly around himself in an effort to comfort himself, Edd sat wearily on his bed. There was just too much to lose... too many people to hurt for the sake of his own happiness. He could never bring himself to be so selfish...

Edd hung his head in weary defeat. "I'm sorry, Eddy... I can't..."


	2. Blame and Lies

Well, I'm certainly glad that the story hasn't produced any _What the heck IS this?'s_ yet. (At least in the form of reviews, anyway. ) This chapter was going to be about twice as long, but I couldn't find a decent stopping point, and I really need to re-work the other half, so I just split it up. Besides, I really felt the need to update. ; (As a result, this story may end up having one more chapter than intended...) This part of the 2nd chapter kinda delves into Edd and Eddy's mindsets a bit more, so forgive the lack of dialogue and whatnot. :P Enjoy.

Kitsune

(UPDATE: 07/03/05 - Reading through other songfics on this site, I was just made aware of the "no lyrics" rule. Yes, I've been away for a while, I guess. :P Thus, to prevent any repercussions to this story or my account - namely, the deletion of either - I have removed the lyrics. I will post a version with lyrics on my website at a later date.)  
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The seconds had gone by like hours... the minutes like days. Long, restless days.

How long had he been lying on his bed, sulking like this? Edd reluctantly glanced over at his clock. 6:43pm. Had it really been only fifteen minutes since Eddy had set the ultimatum that would, no matter Edd's final decision, drastically change both of their lives?

"Eddy... you'd really leave me, wouldn't you?" Edd closed his eyes and clenched his pillow tightly. Oh, how _stupid_ he had been to think anything good could have come from that kiss...! Stupid, stupid, stupid! If only he hadn't of admitted his feelings - if only he'd just kept his big mouth shut for once! Then he would be looking forward to being dragged along to participate in some pathetic attempt at scamming the other children the next morning. To be spending good times with his two best friends.

And he messed it up.

What confused Edd the most... why did he even care? After all, if Eddy would so willingly leave him and Ed and everyone else, that just showed how selfish he was. How self-absorbed. How typically Eddy...

Edd curled up into a ball, feeling the tears about to fall again. Perhaps Eddy _was_ selfish... but he had still been a true friend from the very beginning - one of the so very few who had given Edd a chance. He hadn't immediately condemned Edd to the life of an outcast like the others had. It had taken a little time... but Eddy had eventually accepted and even _liked_ him for who he was.

In the end, Eddy had always come through for him and Ed when it really counted. So, why couldn't he now?

Edd's eyes brightened slightly. Yes, that's it... Eddy had always just needed a little push - or forceful shove as the case may be - in the right direction. He was certain that once he got it through to Eddy how important this was to him, he would simply _have_ to hear him out.

Confidence returning and hope gleaming in his eyes, Edd jumped off of his bed and bolted out of his room, racing down the stairs and out the front door. He ran as fast as his legs could carry him towards the Lane. He had to make it to the junkyard before Eddy left for good.

* * *

Eddy kicked his feet off of the car seat as he waited in the van for his friend. He didn't even know why he bothered. Edd was too much of a chicken - he'd never show. 

"Don't even know what I see in the guy..." Eddy muttered, ignoring the voices inside himself chiding him for asking such a question. He knew. His sensitivity, his intelligence, his vulnerability... the very things that annoyed him were what attracted him. Eddy had no clue how, when or why it had happened, but... somehow, those annoying traits he'd learned to live with had become things he couldn't live without.

Eddy snorted. Maybe it was some stupid psycho-whatsit condition that Double-D would be glad to chatter about if he were there.

Leaning back on the car seat and resting his head on his duffle bag, Eddy stared at the ceiling, lost in thought. Maybe those things never really annoyed him. What if he _wanted_ those things to aggravate him so much that they eventually did? Those panic attacks and bouts of guilt, that sincerity and need for perfection, that bashfulness... maybe he didn't want to admit that those things made Edd so... cute.

Eddy fidgeted uncomfortably at just the thought of thinking of Edd as 'cute.' Apparently a big part of him _still_ denied it... but one day he'd learn to tell that voice - his ego - to just shut up.

One day.

Besides... how did he know if he was even really in love with Double-D at all? He'd never been in real love before - how the heck was he supposed to know what it felt like? It could just be a little crush, or even just a phase. Wasn't that supposed to be normal for kids his age? Or what if it was a phase for Double-D? What if it was _he_ who got hurt because Sockhead didn't really feel what he thought he felt?

He fidgeted in his seat again, growing irritated. He hated waiting, and these sudden doubts weren't helping any. Maybe he shouldn't be waiting, period. Double-D wasn't gonna show - that he was sure of - and he couldn't go back, regardless of if it was really love or whatever else. His parents knew that he had, at the very least, an interest in his best friend. A boy. They saw that he wasn't normal... maybe they even thought he was a freak. He couldn't live with a family that didn't understand him, or a family that _he_ didn't understand.

Tightly clenching his fists around the shoulder strap of his duffle bag, Eddy jumped out of the van through the window and slung the bag over his shoulder. He wasn't going to drag this wait out any longer than he had to. Sockhead wasn't coming - that was that. And why wait for someone that'll never show?

He took a fond glance over his shoulder at the van he and his friends had so often used as their 'secret base..' it looked so old and rusted now, and that kinda made him sad, though he never knew why. With a sigh, he took one final glance toward the Lane, where so many memories - both good and bad - had engraved themselves permanantly in his mind. He then turned around and began his journey to... wherever.

* * *

Edd ran faster than he thought humanly possible. Perhaps he'd be proud of himself for not fainting from exhaustion had he not had so many thoughts running through his mind just as quickly. 

Would Eddy listen? Would he stay? If he did, how would they get through to their families? And if he didn't, what would he do then? And how would he face his parents once they returned home to find their only son in love with the very 'crude, bothersome little boy' they had once wished Edd not to converse with?

Should he tell Ed? How would _he_ take it? Would he even understand...?

Edd frowned as he continued to run. His logic was failing him. For the first time since encountering Ed's uncanny ability to defy all established laws of gravity and physics, his mind was swimming with questions that he couldn't answer. Well, this meeting would no doubt be the first step to, at the very least, answering those questions. _And all journeys begin with a single step,_ he nervously reminded himself.

It wasn't until he reached the junkyard that he felt the fatigue. Edd stumbled into the familiar refuge on tired, wobbly legs and stopped a moment to try and catch his breath. It was disgustingly unsanitary here, but somehow comforting. Away from the other kids, away from the Kankers, away from his overly conservative parents. Just... away. That was the only reason he never minded spending such excessive time here - he could ignore the filth and grime because this had become somewhat of a sanctuary to him.

"Eddy!" Edd cried out hoarsely, exhausted from pushing his stamina to its limits. Skimming the parameter of the junkyard for any sign of his friend, he smiled a little as he caught sight of the van. Remembering Eddy's promise to be waiting in the van, Edd put the rest of his remaining energy into running up to it.

"Eddy...! I'm here...!" he called out tiredly as he peered in the window. "Eddy...?" Ignoring the pain in his ribs from the running, Edd struggled to open the passenger's side door, cursing the past few months of rain that had nearly caked the doors' mechanisms with rust. Eddy _was_ in there, right? Well, he had to be - he said he'd be there. But why wasn't he coming out to meet him?

"Eddy, please!" Edd pleaded, the sound of thunder in the distance nearly drowning out his tired, raspy pleas. "We need to talk..." For all the world, he could not get the door to budge. "Argh... of all the... lousy... times...!" He rested his head against the window momentarily before trying a final, unsuccessful tug. Through his efforts, his remaining strength had been drained and he felt as though he would collapse at any moment. Be he absolutely refused - he _had_ to talk to Eddy.

"Eddy, this isn't funny!" Edd declared as panic began to set in. He stumbled to the back of the van and attempted to open the doors there, only to be met with even more resistance. "Stupid... rust encrusted... hinges..." Edd growled tiredly as he continued trying to pry the doors open, to no avail. _Eddy, where are you?_ Edd weakly banged his fist on the rear doors as he struggled to stay awake. He had to know that he hadn't abandoned him.

"Eddy... please... open up..."

Edd felt a couple of tears go down his cheek, mingling with the first drops of an approaching summer storm. He slumped against the van, sliding against the ground and resting his back against the door.

He wasn't there. He'd promised he'd be there, and he wasn't.

_Eddy, you idiot... _Exhausted and suddenly very alone, Edd curled up on the ground and clenched his eyes closed, finally allowing unconsciousness take over.


	3. To Finally Decide

Thanks to everyone for the reviews! (They're what kept me motivated to continue writing on this!) I'm sorry it's taken so long to get this chapter up, but I hit a little creative block there for a while. (Admittedly, I didn't know how to end it. :P) It's a bit of a long chapter (roughly twice the length of the others according to word count :), and I'm not certain as to the quality compared to the previous two chapters, so I'll just cross my fingers that it doesn't produce too many unhappy reviews. ;)

Kitsune

(UPDATE: 07/03/05 - Reading through other songfics on this site, I was just made aware of the "no lyrics" rule. Yes, I've been away for a while, I guess. :P Thus, to prevent any repercussions to this story or my account - namely, the deletion of either - I have removed the lyrics. I will post a version with lyrics on my website at a later date.)

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"Figures. First night out on my own, and I'm gonna have to sleep in the stupid rain."

Nearing the far boundary of the junkyard, Eddy stopped momentarily and glanced about for a temporary shelter upon the signs of the nearing storm. Looking ahead with a frustrated sigh, he could see the city in the distance, but it would probably take a long while to get there. He didn't take well to the idea of making that trek with pneumonia.

"All right, all right, already!" Eddy groused as the first drops of rain began to fall, as if nagging him to find shelter. Even Mother Nature was against him, it seemed. _Ain't like I'm in a rush, anyway, _Eddy reasoned as he adjusted the strap of his duffle bag on his shoulder and started walking again. There was a big cardboard box not far ahead... he supposed that would do for now.

He didn't get five steps further when he swore he heard something coming from the direction in which he came. After pausing for a moment, he shook his head and continued walking.

"Yeah, now I'm hearin' stuff. Great," he muttered irritably. Just as he reached his makeshift shelter, the sound returned - this time louder than before. Eddy froze in place as he recognized what it was - a voice. A panicked one at that.

_It can't be..._ Eddy slowly turned back to face the direction from where the voice had come from - back where he had been waiting in the van.

"Double-D...?"

Carelessly dropping his duffle bag onto the ground, Eddy dashed back toward the van as the rain began to pour. He wasn't just hearing things, was he? Would Double-D actually be there?

Eddy's answers came in the form of Edd curled up behind the van, eyes closed.

"Double-D!" Feeling a heavy weight in his stomach as panic started to take over, Eddy rushed over and shook Edd by the shoulders. Not getting a response, he immediately checked his friend's breathing. Letting out a sigh of relief after discovering Edd was only asleep, Eddy stood and tried to yank open the back doors to the van. The last thing he needed right now was the guilt of having Double-D get sick out in the rain because of him.

"Err, for cryin' out...! Not _now_!" Eddy kicked the van in frustration when his yanks and tugs on the rusted doors proved futile. Glancing over the nearby piles of trash, he caught sight of an old crowbar sticking halfway out of one of the heaps. Running over and grabbing it, he returned to the van and - after a few yanks and curses under his breath - was able pry the doors open. Eddy then picked his unconscious friend up and took him inside the van.

"Idiot..." he muttered as he set Edd down on the waterbed, worry still evident in his eyes. _Kinda stupid for a genius, ain't he...?_ he thought as he shut the back doors to keep the rain out, glancing warily back at Edd. _Falling asleep in the rain? Dolt..._ But even as frustrated, worried insults ran through his mind, his concern slowly subsided and he let out a relieved smile.

Double-D actually came.

* * *

"Eddy...?" 

He didn't know how long ago he'd fallen unconscious, but he knew that he still had to be dreaming... opening his eyes to find Eddy there. He chuckled inwardly. To think, Eddy had left only such a short time ago - and here he was, already dreaming about him. He idly wondered if this would have any psychological repurcussions over time.

The shorter boy smirked, relief clearly showing itself in his eyes, if not his voice. "About time you woke up... I almost worried there for a minute."

Edd gazed silently at the boy before him as he slowly sat up. No, this wasn't a dream - Eddy was really here! But the smile that played on his lips was short-lived, the memory of Eddy leaving him alone in the first place taking precedence.

"You said you'd wait."

Eddy's own smile slowly dwindled as he looked away uncomfortably, unable to face his friend's hurt expression. "Yeah, well... I kinda figured you weren't comin'," he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably.

"Eddy, why on Earth would you just _assume_ that I - " Edd was cut off by a violent sneeze, startling Eddy half out of his wits. "... that I wasn't coming to meet you...?" he finished, sniffling.

Eddy let out an exasperated groan as he watched Edd curl up against the wall, clutching his knees to his chest and sniffling. "Great... hold that thought, will ya?"

Edd blinked as he watched Eddy open the doors to the back of the van. "Eddy?" he called, feeling uneasy about letting him leave again.

"I'm just gonna get my duffle bag, all right?" Eddy explained over his shoulder, hopping out of the van. "I left it outside."

"But, you _are_... coming back, right...?"

Eddy turned around to face Edd and immediately regretted doing so. The look on his face was a heartrending mix of doubt and fear. Fear at the thought of Eddy leaving him alone again - there was no question in his mind about that. It killed Eddy to see it... and it was only made worse knowing that it was his fault.

"Y-yeah. I'll be back." He smiled in an effort to reassure Edd, who merely gave a slight nod in return, then headed into the rain.

* * *

It was like a load off of his shoulders when he saw Eddy's duffle bag being tossed into the van. A very wet Eddy soon followed, griping about the lousy weather as he crawled back inside, shutting the doors. 

"This thing better be waterproof like the ads said," he mumbled as he plopped onto the waterbed and dug through his bag, examining the contents, apparently in search for something.

"I... I apologize..."

"It ain't your fault. I dropped it," Eddy replied with a quick glance towards Edd before returning his attention to the bag.

"No... I mean, I - I didn't mean to worry you."

"What?" Eddy halted his search and looked back up at his friend. "I ain't worried! I just... uh..." Eddy stuttered, wondering why he could feel his face heating up all of a sudden. "Oh, forget it," he growled and turned back to his bag, finally finding what he'd been looking for. "Here," he said, tossing Edd a blanket from his bag. "You're gonna get sick, pullin' a stunt like that..."

Edd thanked him silently with a smile before wrapping himself in the refreshingly cozy blanket and leaning against the side of the van. He silently watched Eddy continue to dig through his bag and pretended not to notice the occasional concerned glance he threw in his direction.

"Look, I know I should've waited... but I just didn't think you'd show, okay?"

Edd cocked his head to the side curiously at Eddy's repeated explanation. "And why not?"

"Because you're too much of a chicken," Eddy said with a shrug as he turned to face Edd. "You always have been."

Edd's face betrayed his irritation at Eddy's insult. "I'm not the chicken, here, _Eddy_. If anyone is a chicken here, it's you."

"_Me_? What are ya talkin' about?" Eddy argued, grateful for the opportunity to be angry. This territory was much more familiar to him than that awful awkwardness. "At least I ain't too chicken to take chances! It's like my brother says - you can't get anwhere if you don't take chances!"

"You aren't your brother, Eddy! Stop trying to be!"

As Eddy looked on, speechless at Edd's words - or, rather, the anger spent voicing them - Edd sighed and looked away guiltily. He hadn't meant to snap at Eddy like that, but sometimes the way he idolized his brother just angered him. A brother that rarely put any effort to communicating with Eddy... how could he hold such an apathetic sibling in such high regard? Then again, reflecting on his own family situation, he supposed he wasn't one to talk.

It was a moment before Eddy found his voice again. "I'm not tryin' to be anyone here!" Eddy snapped back. "But who do you think taught me everything - "

"Everything you know - I know, I've heard it a million times before, Eddy."

"You heard it but you don't understand what I'm _saying_!" Eddy paused for a moment. He hadn't realized the depth of his own words until they left his mouth. Edd had always heard him - how could anyone not? Naturally, he would always hear Eddy give orders and boss him around. But he didn't truly understand him. If he had, he'd surely know that he only did that stuff - now, at least - because he wanted nothing more than to be the person Edd looked up to. The one Edd went to for answers when _he_ was stumped - the one Edd went to, period. But, then again, how could he expect Edd to see that when he barely saw it himself?

"You just don't understand what I'm sayin'," Eddy repeated lamely.

"All right, then... what _are_ you saying...?"

Eddy looked on at Edd's pained expression - an expression he was clearly trying to mask with anger - and wondered if he looked at all the same in Edd's eyes at that moment.

"I'm sayin'... I know it's hard. And I know there's risks. But, dammit, Double-D... how're we gonna get anywhere if you're too afraid to leave the people who're gonna hold us back?"

Eddy's face softened slightly as Edd let out a tired sigh. "I'm not as bold as you, granted," Edd admitted, keeping his gaze toward the windshield, watching the rain fall onto the hood of the van. "And maybe I am a chicken by wishing to remain here, safe, rather than leap into a world of uncertainty. But at least I'm not the one who's running away from their problems and hurting others - people they supposedly care about, mind you - because they're too afraid of what consequences lie ahead. If that's not the definition of a chicken, Eddy, I don't know what is."

Eddy had no clue why, but Edd's words hit hard. Probably because - though he'd never admit it out loud - he knew that Edd was right. But what else could he do? What other choices were there?

The sight of Eddy's uncharacteristically hurt expression immediately sent Edd into a state of guilt. This was the first time - to his knowldege - that he'd been the one to hurt _Eddy's_ feelings. "Eddy, I'm sorry... I didn't mean to hurt you... I just - "

"Sorry? For what?" Eddy interrupted. "For bein' honest? Don't bother." Eddy tried to focus on rummaging through his bag again. He wasn't really searching for anything, but he had to do something - anything - to keep from having to look Edd in the face. "Look... you don't have anything to be sorry for, so stop apologizin' already. Maybe I'm bein' a chicken, too..." Eddy gave up on the bag and looked up at Edd, an unusual mix of confusion, frustration, and pain marring his features. "I just don't know what else to do, Sockhead!"

There were a few moments of awkward silence as both boys transfixed their eyes on the bed. Edd absently plucked at the blanket he was wrapped in as he combed his mind for something to say... an answer of sorts. But before he could find anything, Eddy started laughing quietly much to Edd's bemusement. Edd looked at Eddy strangely as the shorter boy stopped his chuckling and grinned.

"Y'know, I just realized somethin'."

"What...?" Edd inquired, hoping for the world that Eddy wasn't in for a breakdown.

"Well... if _you're_ a chicken, and _I'm_ a chicken... then I guess it's no wonder Lumpy likes us so much."

Edd blinked as Eddy began laughing again, but couldn't keep his own smile from showing itself. It wasn't long before he, too, was joining in the laughter - and it felt good.

Eddy smiled a little as he watched Edd giggle behind his hand. Could he really leave this? It seemed as though all those doubts he'd had while waiting for Double-D to show up were completely washed away with that smile of his. It was somehow different than the smile he showed others - as if it was only meant for him. But why would he of all people be given such a gift, when he had nothing to give in return?

He frowned again as that voice - much quieter than before but still loud enough to be heard - told him that this whole thing was nuts. This would just lead to heartbreak - it was already heading there! - and he'd deserve it. Worst of all, that voice kept telling him that they _both_ deserved it - Eddy for growing too sensitive and giving his heart to another guy, and Edd for for being the cause of it all.

He could've killed that voice if it weren't a part of him.

Edd stopped smiling as he saw Eddy's face fall again. "Eddy...?"

It was then, when he came eye-to-eye with Edd, that Eddy saw what he was doing. He was causing his best friend - no, the one he loved (whether that stupid little voice agreed or not) - a world of pain. Pain that he did nothing to deserve.

And he couldn't stop it.

Going against his judgement, Eddy gruffly grabbed Edd by the arm and pulled him over. The sudden movement was rather jarring, causing Edd to let out a startled yelp. However, once he felt Eddy awkwardly pull him close and hold his head to his chest, he smiled. Eddy was trying. For him.

Eddy held him for a while, wishing the rain could solve everything. The rain would keep Double-D from going home, and it would keep himself from leaving. Maybe the rain would never let up, and they could just live here, in the van, like this. This could be their home. They could just live here and Ed could come over to visit whenever they wanted to hang out... wouldn't that be something?

He couldn't help but smirk humorlessly at his own foolishness. As if it could ever be that easy.

Edd glanced up as he felt Eddy's hold tighten ever so slightly. He felt something wet fall against a cheek... a tear. And it wasn't his.

"Eddy...?"

Seeing Edd's eyes on him, Eddy quickly wiped away the few tears that escaped. He took full notice of the frown on Edd's face as he did so. He then realized the real problem. And it was then that Eddy decided to stick with his decision to leave, seeing it as the only solution. By the look on Edd's heartbroken face, he knew it, too.

"You're leaving... aren't you?"

Edd's whispered revelation sent chills down Eddy's spine. That hallow voice wasn't the Double-D he loved. He longed for a way to change it back to that nagging, sarcastic tone he loved to quarrel with so much. But he couldn't, not right now. It would take too much, and he wasn't able to give it just yet.

"Eddy...?"

God, he didn't want to answer. He didn't have the heart to confirm Edd's fear. He wanted so badly to yell at Double-D then. To tell him to shut up and stop asking him to say it. But the look in Edd's eyes beseeching him for a confirmation quelled that urge. He'd been hurt enough, yelling would only worsen things. Edd had just always been the type who could never be left hanging... the type who needed a solid answer to everything.

So he nodded.

He'd originally made the decision to leave not half an hour ago. But it wasn't until that very moment that he had formed a good, solid reason.

He couldn't give Edd what he wanted, or what he deserved.

He was still too young. While Edd was, technically, younger than he, he was also inifintely more mature about things like love and romance. Eddy would never admit aloud that he had growing up to do. But it was plain to see that, as he was now, he could never give Edd the affection he needed. Not that he didn't want to - he wanted nothing more than to be able to hold him without feeling so awkward, to be able to admit his feelings without feeling disgusted with himself. But, right now, he couldn't do that. His pride still meant too much to him. So, for now, all he could do was hold and try to comfort Edd just once before leaving.

Edd deserved so much more than that simple gesture, but that was all he could give. And it hurt Eddy just as much as it hurt Edd.

"It ain't forever, Sockhead," Eddy soothed as gently as he could manage as he felt Edd sob quietly into his shirt. "I just... I got a lot of thinkin' to do... and I can't do it here. I'll come back, though. I promise." He couldn't bring himself to tell him that, to his ego, Edd wasn't good enough simply because he was a boy. The important thing was that, to the real Eddy - the one hidden deep down that didn't give a hoot about what other people thought of him - it was he who wasn't good enough for Edd. Until he was able to admit that, though, neither of them would ever be happy in a relationship, no matter how much they loved one another.

He only hoped that Edd would realize that instead of blaming himself for the whole thing. Edd didn't start this. It didn't start with that kiss. It had been there long before Edd got the nerve to kiss him. All that kiss did was bring it out into the open so that neither of them could deny it any longer... so that the subject had to be addressed, and something had to be done about it. And that was something only someone as sensitive and emotional as Edd could have done. If it had been up to Eddy, those feelings would most likely have been taken to his grave.

And, for that, Eddy thanked him.

"When...?" Edd's half-hearted inquiry came muffled from Eddy's shirt. "When are you coming back exactly...?"

Eddy frowned. Double-D knew the answer, why the heck did he have to ask? "I don't know, Sockhead... but I _will_, all right? Just trust me. I ain't leavin' you guys forever."

And he _would_ come back - the day he was able to love Edd openly, with no voices inside telling him it was wrong... the day he no longer cared about what his parents thought of him for loving his best friend the "wrong" way. And, if Edd was still willing to love him back when that day came around, he'd be sure to repay Edd for the pain he was being put through now.

Eddy sighed as the rain began to subside, as did Edd's tears. Gently pulling away, Edd looked up at the boy that took his heart all those months ago. Perhaps this was what he needed - what they both needed. Some time away to collect their thoughts. Absence was supposed to make the heart grow fonder, after all. He could always tell Ed that Eddy had gone on vacation - Ed would be okay. And he would be okay, too. If he had Ed there to keep his mind off of things, everything would surely be okay...

Smiling a little more sadly than usual, Eddy pulled Edd in for a final hug, 'accidently' brushing his lips briefly against Edd's as he did so. That had to be okay. It was an accident, after all. His ego shouldn't put up a fight - not this time. It was an accident, so it was okay.

"I'll be back," Eddy quietly promised one final time before slowly letting Edd go.

He stood and picked up his duffle bag, heading out of the van without another word or glance in Edd's direction. He'd prove to Sockhead that he could become more than some egocentric kid who values his reputation above his own friends. But he knew that would take time. And, until that day came, Double-D deserved better, whether he realized it or not.

He would never give Edd up completely. They _would_ be together one day, one way or another. But, as greedy as he may have been, even he knew that things this good were well worth the wait.

So he'd wait.


End file.
